


i signed it with love from me to you

by sugdensrobert



Category: Emmerdale
Genre: Established Relationship, Light Angst, M/M, Tooth-Rotting Fluff, don't really know what this is, it's gerry's funeral, just very fluffy really, rob finds aaron's speech, they are soft lads
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-24
Updated: 2018-05-24
Packaged: 2019-05-13 01:55:37
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,679
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14739861
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sugdensrobert/pseuds/sugdensrobert
Summary: he had found it by accident, didn’t even know it existed.robert finds a piece of paper with some very special words on it.





	i signed it with love from me to you

**Author's Note:**

> i always wanted to write robert finding aaron's speech and somehow this happened, kind of combined with gerry's funeral.  
> i have no idea how the funeral will go on screen and if liv will be there or not, but in this fic she won't be there.  
> i hope you enjoy x

 

He had found it by accident, didn’t even know it existed.

 

They were about to head out of the door when Aaron asked whether they had any tissues.  
“Tissues?”  
“It’s a funeral Robert.” Aaron looked tired, the last couple of days once again hectic ones, helping some of Gerry’s relatives out with organising the funeral, both of them determined to give him a good send-off.

 

His death still hadn’t completely sunk in, the house even more quiet now. Robert missed Gerry, admitted as much to Aaron who was feeling exactly the same. He used to seem blasé about the young lad’s presence but had grown to be quite fond of him. The fact that he had died in an accident was so horribly unfair, he had his whole life in front of him, he finally got to a place where he had the chance to make something of himself; a job, a place to live. The kind of person you just wanted around, to break the ice, to make you laugh in the most serious of situations. The kind of person who had been a great friend to Liv, the kind of person who had managed to make Seb giggle and calm down when Robert was stressed and Aaron wasn’t around.

As well as organising the funeral there was Liv. Liv who had loved Gerry like a brother, Liv who had been so determined for Gerry to move in, to find him a home and also Liv who couldn’t be at the funeral. Things had been so good one minute, Liv seemed to be doing as well as she possibly could, admitted to needing help and the next thing they know things come crashing down around them once again. The days just after Gerry’s death, Aaron just seemed to be waiting by the phone all day, waiting for his little sister to call so he could make sure she was all right. They had visited her soon after, the both of them trying to keep her spirits up, and encouraging her to keep her head up, and to keep talking about everything she was feeling and everything she was going through.

They asked Liv about the funeral, if she had any requests, if there was anything Gerry might have wanted. It was horrible, but Robert knew they had to mention it even though Liv couldn’t be there, completely ignoring it wasn’t going to help. This way she could at least have some involvement. Robert had softly added that it was ok is she didn’t want to though or that she could have a think about it. In the end the three of them decided to collect all the pictures (mostly selfies) they had with Gerry and show them on a screen. Most of these were found on Liv’s phone but there were also a suspicious amount of them on Aaron’s phone and of course Robert hadn’t been able to resist teasing his husband about it, getting a soft smile in return.

 

“Rob?” it was then that he realised he had gotten lost in his thoughts, staring at Aaron. “C’mon let’s just go.” The younger man continued, his face had softened while he stared back at his husband.

“No, wait- I’ll get some, from upstairs?” Aaron smiled, a small, shy one. “I think there are some in my draw upstairs” he said, giving Robert a knowing look.  
Robert gave him a little smile back, maybe even a bit of a sad one, he very briefly touched Aaron’s hand and then walked up the stairs.

  
He walked straight over to _‘Aaron’s draw’,_ meaning his husband’s bedside table draw. He opened it completely not expecting to find as much mess as he did. His husband was known for being messy, owning a lot of tat, as Robert liked to call it but the little draw looked in need of some sorting.

In between the many receipts, painkillers and some pens he found some half decent looking pocket tissues. His haste searching had the draw looking even worse than before and for some reason a piece of crumpled up paper caught his eye. He didn’t know why but apparently his brain had made the decision to find out what it was, as if he wanted to find out whether it was important, whether to shove it to the back or not.

  
“Robert” his husband’s voice came from downstairs “what’s happened to you, c’mon let’s go, leave those stupid tissues.” At the same time Robert had read the first few words, and realised exactly what the piece of paper was. His heart started to beat 3 times more quickly and so loudly, becoming the only sound he could hear.

Suddenly he heard loud footsteps coming up the stairs, wincing, he crumpled up the piece of paper, threw it back in the draw and slammed it shut.  
“Jesus Rob, I thought you’d collapsed or summit” Aaron looked at him, a frown on his face “you’ve got the tissues I see” his voice was softer now, almost as if he sensed that something was up with Robert but he wasn’t sure what.

“You ready?” he continued and walked in front of Robert out of their bedroom. “Yeah” he whispered back, “they were in your draw” he says to the back of Aaron’s head. “Yeah I know” the younger man replies turning towards Robert, waiting until he’s downstairs. Aaron’s laughs a little and shakes his head, “are you alright, you seem miles away” it sounds like a question and a statement all at the same time. “Yeah, yeah sorry- I hate funerals.”

“Who doesn’t, c’mon let’s give Gerry the send off he deserves ey” opening the door, he quickly rubs Robert’s arm, and gives his hand a squeeze before gesturing him to go outside, “after you” he smirks earning him a laugh from Robert.

 

 

 

 

There had been tears but also lots of laughter. Robert liked to think that it was how Gerry would have wanted it, even though his time in the village had been short, there had been many stories, many people who wanted to share their memories of Gerry.

Seb was staying the night at Keeper’s, leaving both men once again with the realisation of how quiet the house was now. Robert had made them some pasta, Aaron’s favourite comfort food. Aaron had been withdrawn, and even more after their phone call with Liv.

It was relatively early still but Aaron could probably do with an early night. After turning all the lights off Robert made his way upstairs, the younger man still in the shower. Robert changed into his pyjamas and got into bed, staring at the ceiling. He itched to reach over, to open the draw, to get a better look at it, he knew what it was of course but he still couldn’t believe it. He wanted to mention it to Aaron, but maybe he was never supposed to find out, or he had forgotten all about it, he hadn’t seemed secretive or nervous at all when Robert told him about having looked in his draw.

“Hey” Robert turned around to look at Aaron, hair wet and slightly curly against his forehead, he was already dressed in his pyjama’s. His heart clenched, he would never tire of this, the soft sleepy side of his husband, the side that only came out when it was just the two of them.

“Alright?” he whispered, watching Aaron nod and crawl into bed, he opened his arms and Aaron quickly came as close as he could, tiredness now practically oozing out of him. With Aaron’s head now buried in his chest, Robert pressed a kiss to the top of his husband’s head, rubbed his back a few times and then just held him tightly. Now wasn’t the time to mention it, maybe he would just keep it to himself forever.

 

 

 

Of course he had gotten it out a few times now, couldn’t help himself really. It wasn’t that he needed reminding of what Aaron had actually said, he's sure that he could never forget. The cold February air, the love of his life, standing in front of him in tears, asking him to come home. There was something about seeing the words on paper that made it even more special to him; it reminded him of _just_ how much Aaron wanted him home, so desperate to list why he loved Robert so much, like he didn't want to forget anything. He had tried to recollect Aaron holding a piece of paper that night, but couldn't find it anywhere in his memory, knows he had been staring at the ground for most of it anyway, letting those words that made him feel more alive than he had felt in a long time, wash over him. 

It had become something he hang onto, whenever his insecurities came to say hello; when he was alone at the Mill, looking around and hearing this voice asking him if he really did deserve this, if Aaron really wanted this.

 

 

 

He wasn’t meant to find it, just like Aaron wasn’t meant to find out he’s found it, it’s all a bit complicated really.

 

 

Aaron’s out working late, some scrap run far out. Seb’s fed and changed and sleeping soundly. There’s nothing on the television, not that he’s been really searching for something anyway. He feels upset, can’t put his finger on why exactly, it’s just there. If Aaron was home, he would go find him and cuddle the pain away, or find him for something more, any distraction welcome.

He remembers Liv’s disappointed voice on the phone tonight, when he told him Aaron couldn’t make the phone call. Knows it’s only normal, Aaron’s her brother and he is fully aware that Liv loves him, has completely forgiven him. Still, it didn’t do his sullen mood any favours.

He decides to head up to bed, looks around the sitting room, feeling his heart clench when he looks at the photos, knows it’s the feeling of unworthiness creeping up on him. Once again the lack of his husband so prominent, as much as Robert sometimes hates it, he misses it now; Aaron’s ability to always sense there’s something wrong.

He checks on Seb, almost feels disappointed at the fact his son is sleeping, doesn’t want to wake him for a cuddle. Instead he kisses his head and strokes his little hand before going to his and Aaron’s room.  
It’s when he’s tucked up in bed, scrolling through his phone counting down to when Aaron should be home that he remembers. Reaching over to Aaron’s nightstand he finds what he’s looking for.

It’s stupid and cheesy but it manages to make him smile. Romantic outbursts aren’t really Aaron, he will never not feel a shiver of something going through him when he thinks about it. How determined Aaron was, but also loving. The kiss, it felt like coming home but he remembers the hug the most, something so welcome, after months of struggling and feelings of loneliness. He wipes at his cheeks and takes a deep breath. The piece of paper is more Aaron like, no full sentences, unlike the real speech. Just words, sometimes a bit more, like you would write down if you’re doing a presentation. He smiles at the difference in writing, at the top it says _Robert_ written fairly neatly, for Aaron’s standards. It’s clear that the rest of the words were written down more in a rush.

 

_Disaster_  
_Smug, arrogant_  
_Awful dancing_  
_Always trying hard_  
_Trial_  
_Liv_  
_The water_  
_Wedding_  
_Our home_  
_Seb_  
_You loved me_

 

He touches his face again, feels fresh tears. He wipes them away, and has another look at the time. Suddenly the door opens and his husband his standing there, a smug but tired smile on his face which disappears in seconds.

  
“Robert.” Aaron’s voice breaks and Robert hates everything, hates that Aaron has to find him like this after a long day. His husband rushes over to him, goes to sit on Robert’s side of the bed.

“Has something happened, what’s wrong? Is it Seb?” his eyes are wide and red, tears threatening to spill.

“No” Robert manages to croak out.

“Robert please what is it, I-“ Aaron’s hands go to his face, then both of his hands when he sees it, the piece of paper on Robert’s lap. Aaron frowns, realizing what it is, isn’t sure if that’s what's gotten Robert upset.

Robert’s eyes follow Aaron’s and he picks it up “it’s silly” he says gesturing to his face “I just-“  
“You found it.” Aaron says, it’s clear he’s trying to calm himself down a bit, taking deep breaths, he looks at his husband, a shaky smile on his face.

“I found it a while back, knew it was there.“ Aaron looks confused, but waits for Robert to finish, the older man clearly wanting to explain it a bit more. “I needed it-“ he gulps, looks at Aaron’s kind, patient expression, “it helps sometimes, when I feel- when things get a bit too much” it’s hard to get out, “Rob” he hears, it sounds croaky, broken he feels a hand on his own, then he realises what he’s said, scared Aaron will get the wrong idea “I mean when I feel unworthy” it’s said quickly, boldy, he looks up at the same time and Aaron’s expression crumbles.

  
“Robert”  
“No, it’s ok” he says, holds both of Aaron’s hand suddenly  
“It’s not is it.” The younger man has a few tears rolling down his own cheeks.  
“No it is, really, it’s just sometimes it creeps up on me, and then I come and find you, or you just know.” Aaron gives him a teary smile. “I don’t know why I felt it tonight- but I did, but I looked at this and it helped, and now you’re here.” Robert explains, he feels stronger, wants Aaron to understand.

“Found it in your draw, the day of Gerry’s funeral.”  
“That’s weeks back.”  
“Wasn’t sure how you would react, didn’t want to embarrass you or anything.”  
“You heard the speech.”

“It’s different on paper isn't it” Robert grins and his husband mirrors it. There’s a few seconds of comfortable silence, Aaron now softly stroking Robert’s hand. “I am glad it helped you, I just-“ Robert can hear the shakiness in his voice, and squeezes his hand “I just want you to know that you can always come to me, also when I don’t sense it, please Rob.” He looks serious, Robert nods. “Also ring me Robert, when I am not here, and there’s something wrong, anything at all.”

“I know, I am sorry-I”  
“You have nothing to apologize for- Rob, you're not worthless, I- you can't think like that, you are amazing ok? Just- just come and find me yeah?"

“I promise" it was all Robert could say, he felt overwhelmed, but also so so loved.

“Good, so what do we do with this then.” Aaron says, gesturing to his speech.  
“Don’t throw it out.” Robert looks almost shocked.  
“As if you idiot.” Aaron laughs, he smooths out the piece of paper, turns around and opens Robert’s draw “we will put it in it’s rightful place shall we.”  
Robert feels new tears gathering in his eyes “I love you.”  
Aaron smiles and runs his hand through Robert’s hair, “I love you too, never forget that.” He kisses him softly on the lips, Robert response immediately and when the younger man pulls back, he kisses him again straight away, harder this time.

“What do you want to do now?”  
“Cuddle.” They both laugh at how child like Robert makes it sound.  
“Then that’s what we’ll do. I’ll get ready, say hi to Seb and then I’m all yours, sounds good?”  
“Sounds amazing”  
Aaron kisses his forehead and mumbles another I love you, before getting off the bed.

 

  
“I love you so much.” Robert whispers back, he turns around to close the draw, smiling when he sees the speech, catches a few words. He doesn’t need it right now.

**Author's Note:**

> thank you so much for reading!


End file.
